Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Read This Post At Your Own (Sensual) Peril

Contest Today!!!
Have you read this yet? I mean, I love
Kresley Cole's historicals to begin with, and was desperately awaiting its release. But then I find out it came out in May? Just shows how confused I am lately.

Anywayz, if you've not read the MacCarrick Brothers Trilogy, hie thee to the bookstore -- cause you don't wanna wait for a delivery -- and read these things. It's always cool when you can get a series all at once, no?

If You Deceive" specifically has some of the hottest scenes I've read in an historical in ages; Cole just does the dark, bone-headed, can't-see-his-own-feelings hero like nobody's business.

Yet, it begs me to ask this question, "what's up with all the ten-inch penises in romance lately?"

It seems like every strapping hero's sportin just nigh on a foot. Why not nine inches? Or, ugh, eleven? And, not that Cole does this, but how many times to we need to be told -- as if reading a page out of the real "Gray's Anatomy" -- that women's organs are designed to shift to accommodate the maniconda?

This is interesting, too: Somebody brought up during a guest blog I wrote at Romancing the Blog a while back, what's up with heroes becoming "impossibly [harder, longer, thicker, etc.]" Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Now, I make no secret of the fact that I adore penis imagery (or is that penile imagery) in novels. But maybe I'm somehow perverse and obsessive, and no other romance readers get turned on by the stuff or tend to catalog the ways authors describe and present it to readers.

A writing tutor I had once criticized some stuff I'd written, saying women who read romances simply didn't like references to male body fluids. Of course, I got rid of her, but I wondered whether there was something wrong with me.

What do you think about male genitalia imagery in romance? Have you noticed this trend toward super-sizing? Where's your comfort zone?

Be brave, Bellas! One LCB wins a copy of Kresley Cole's "If You Desire!"


Michele Hauf said...

Have have noticed the super-size trend. Sometimes it just makes me cringe. Sometimes it's laughable. Other is awe-inspiring. :-)

I think the real question should be: Which is more important? Length or girth?


M, who just loves that word 'girth'. Makes me giggle. Girthy! Now that's a real giggle.

All right, I'm leaving. Now!


Portia Da Costa said...

Mmmmm... that word 'girth' makes me smile too!

I must admit, I rather like my fictional heroes to be amply proportioned in the trouser department... and I enjoy descriptions of their tackle. Both as a writer and a reader. But do I think these foot long, and near foot long appendages are a bit much...

Big and substantial, but within the realms of anatomical possibility... that's my preference for heroes... ;)

flip said...

I love all the imagery...just as much as I love hard, solid, firm, thrusting, bold, rigid, smooth, silky, big, thick, long, ...did I say hard....dicks.

Male genitalia should alway come supersized.

Rhonda Helms said...

ROFL--this is an AWESOME topic, and so true! I've seen the super-sized trend, as well. To me, it kind of reminds me of how heroines used to have "impossibly small" waists, like where the guys could encompass them with their hands and have room to spare. RIIIIIIIIIIGHT...

I think this, too, shall pass--it's just an upswing to one side of the pendulum, probably brought on because of the increasing popularity of steeeeamy writing. It'll level out. :D

Playground Monitor said...

Super-sized. snort Do you want fries with that?

Not only are male appendages getting larger, but I keep seeing more and more fingers inserted into said appendage receptacle. Pretty soon he'll have both hands and a few toes in there.

I like the imagery, but it should be believable.

Why don't they talk about the size of women's bosoms? Make them all a triple D? And their nipples could be impossibly large/dark/pointed/whatever.


Unknown said...

Yeah I like the word Girth too ;). I really don’t want a hero who is small. This is my time to get away I want a man who has got a very nice large and in charge setup. Take it from a girl (TMI warning) who after her first time was left saying “that was it?” men who are small just really aren’t all that much fun. I’m sorry but size does matter. They don’t have to be a horse but I don’t want a Smurf either. And maybe it’s just me but I think it’s hot when they describe the male organs.

Vivi Anna said...

Marilyn, how coudl you get any fingers in there with said huge male penis? That's my question. That sucker can hardly fit as it is.

And the answer to why books dont' talk more about boobies, is because they're written by women.

If a man was writing a romance with sex in it, the man's dick would be average sized, with enough girth to satisfy any woman, and her boobs would be ample with lots of smothering capabilities.

Cherie J said...

LOL! This is hilarious! Personally I could care less how you describe it. I don't usually read books for the sex. For me, it is a great plot that is essential. If the plot and the portrayal of the characters is weak and all the focus of the book is mind blowing sex on every few pages than I end up feeling cheated. I want to be drawn into the characters lives and have a desire to know what is going to happen to them next. I want to be drawn into the story, not just the sex.

Rach said...

Ah, just the levity I needed, Michelle. I've been spending the past two days in the hospital with the Monkey (cat bite that got *incredibly* infected) and really enjoying those first few days of freedom...:op

I have to admit I do wince when I read about an, um, overly endowed hero. I keep thinking, "How's that gonna work??" Sure, the descriptions are great and really get me going (girth really is a fabulous word, isn't it?) but I want a more manageable size when I'm reading. I find if it's too big I am jarred from the scene and right back here in my own messy house.

So I guess it comes down to this. Big? Good. Descriptions of penii? Good. Manicondas? Not so hot for me.

robynl said...

I don't like the trend towards 'bigger'; not everyone is big(ger) and it is like leaving out women who don't have 'tiny' waists or big boobs(as some have talked about).
Yes, describe the part but it does not have to always be big; lots can get done with average sized ones too.

Vivi Anna said...

Rach (((((((((hugs)))))))))) sorry about the Monkey. My exhubby had a similiar situation, except his was really really bad and I had to take him to emergency.

tetewa said...

Was laughing while reading this post today! Don't really care either way if an author wants to go into detail about the male appendage as long as I enjoy the book!

Anonymous said...

what a subject...imagery is always nice. Big is nice too, just not huge! "will it fit" is just not something I want to be thinking.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

I think this, too, shall pass--it's just an upswing to one side of the pendulum,

Oh, God, now I can't stop laughing, Rhonda! Let's hear it, Bellas, for upswinging and pendulous penis imagery!


Girth v. Length. I think we need an RBtheBlog poll, don't you Michele and WendyPortia? (btw, I saw Michele at lunch Monday with Lois Greiman and Michele was telling me about this awesome series she's writing for. We'll have to have her stop in to talk about it soon...)

So, which is it, Bellas? Length or Girth?

Since I'm all about placeholding -- remember, I shrink the tall heroines to fit my size -- I sometimes cringe at the thought of the outrageously lengthy romance penis. But girth? The throbbing pulsing appendage hanging heavily against his thigh when not even, em, proud? Yea. Girth. I'm a Girth Girl.

What about the "she tried, but could barely close her fingers around it's thickness." Don't tell me you're not all looking at your hand right now, cheeky wenches. :)

Vivs, I was thinking of you while I wrote this, the WWVS Effect. (What Would Vivi Say). I hear you on the guy writing romance thing. But I think women don't mind reading about heroines with nice bodies,lovely breasts, because it's also part of the fantasy for women, that men would look at their "perfect" bodies and desire them for the bod as well as the brain. And I agree w/ you: I'm not sure guys could ever be comfortable reading about heroes w/ enormous manhoods in the same way.

Flip: amen , my sister!

robyn, one of the wittiest passages concerning penis size I remember was in Lori Foster's too Much Temptation. The heroine's a virgin and hasn't seen a guy's penis before. And she's like, "oooh, are they all so big?" (paraphrasing w/ apologies to LF) And he just smiles at her while thinkin, "since she doesn't have anything to compare it to...what she doesn't know won't hurt her..."

JRMullany said...

you don't often, but maybe you should, read a heroine who whispers in post-coital admiration that he made the earth move and her eyes water.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Rach! I'm so sorry Monkey was so ill. Animal bites are so tricky. She must have been so scared and you must have been out of your mind. I hope things have calmed and that you'll get to catch up on a little rest.

you're right, trish. 'will it fit' isn't too sexy' and even i don't like my virgins cowering from the size of their medieval warlord's surging helm (still my fave euphemism).

Oh yeah, Play, you're not kidding about the teeny weeny receptacle thing. I mean "itsy bitsy." I can see where that other term might be taken wrong.

Monica Burns said...

{{{{BELLAS}}}} I've miss you gals! As usual, our Queen is up to her usual nawghty hawt topics!! LOVE it!!

Have I noticed a trend toward larger??? I haven't so much toward the larger aspects of the topic, but the fact that we have MORE of the topic in most books would make the trend seem larger. *grin*

Personally, I like bigger, although not all women are built for the bigger guy. I'm with Portia and Marilyn, make it proportionally believable.

There is one thing that I do like about male anatomy in romance books. It's damn empowering. Think about it. Heroines are telling their guys what they want, when they want and how they want it. I'm delighted that we have books that are fantasies for US, written by US. We're pushing the boundaries everyday, and I love it. Sex is a beautiful expression between two people who love each other. It's the ultimate connection, and if thicker, harder, longer works for the heroine, it works for me. *grin*

Short sis is a nurse and works in Recovery. My BIL, sis and me were sitting at the dinner table during a visit, and she was talking about this guy who'd come into Recovery that day with a "schlong so big she didn't know how his wife could take it."

So exactly how long was it, Lisa? She holds up her hands like she's measuring a fish about 12 inches long. Now my sister DOES NOT exaggerate so I was certain she was on target with the length. I'm laughing and the BIL is chuckling. So I said, aww, he probably looked longer than he really was.

She shook her head and said, "I can handle long, but not even I would be able to handle that schlong."

The funniest thing was that this couple had six or seven kids! So apparently they were proportionately well-suited for each other! *wicked grin*


Kati said...

Hi Bellas! First, {{{Rach}}} Sorry to hear about the Monkey! Cat's mouths are filthy things. I used to say to my kitty all the time, "What died in your mouth??!"

Ah, the maniconda. One of my favorite topics. The book that sticks out for me (if you'll pardon the pun), is PASSION by Lisa Valdez. The story is full of unbelievably hot sex scenes. Most of them centered around the hero's rapture at being able to get his whole self into the heroine. The whole giving of the cervix, etc. thing is both fascinating and a little horrifying to me.

I'm with you Michelle, I'm a girth girl. I don't need to feel you in the back of my throat, I just need to feel you! LOL!

Was that TMI??

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

leeann, we need to say it out loud for you -- come on Bellas -- "No such thing as TMI at RBtheBlog!"

So, really, my sympathies for that first experience, but at least you know what you want, which is awesome! (I'm still trying to shake the smurf riding a horse imagery right now).

Monica Burns said...


Sorry to hear Monkee's not well. Hug her for me! It's good to see you on the boards, means summer's here. Of course that also means I sit and wait at work everyday for the police to call and tell me there's been a homicide committed at my house and they have one of my daughters in custody. ROFL Ok, maybe not that bad, but if they're on speaking terms at the end of the day, I call it a good day. LOL


Kati said...

I just keep thinking about the BDB (let's face it, when am I not thinking about the BDB?), if those guys are 6'8" and 250-300 pounds...wouldn't their equipment be a little (1)disappointing if they're normal sized or (2)horrifying if they are in proportion??

Also, did Butch, ehem, grow when he went through the transition??

Inquiring minds want to know. If only one of us had a personal relationship with JR Ward. Oh wait...Michelle, can't you just zip off an email to her?

SUBJECT: Butch's Schlong

LOL! Dirty, dirty girl.

Kati said...

Hi Mon! I miss you!! Whatcha writing for me now??

Rach said...

Thanks, guys. Monk should be coming home tomorrow evening after another full course of antibiotics. Poor thing, she looks pretty rough. Little Bit is going nuts because big sister isn't around and she's not sure what's up.

MK, they do have nasty mouths, don't they? The breath could just knock you over. Also, MK, my computer crashed about a week ago and I lost ALL my bookmarks, including your's and Stacy's. What was your blog again?

Now to the good stuff. ;oP

Yes, girth is good. Overabundance of length, not so much. MK, my sister was telling me about that book and all I could think was, "Um, cervix opening during labor did NOT equal pleasure!" And, I too had those *exact* thoughts about the BDB and Butch :oP.

Those that said it's all about being physically compatible have the right of it.

Oh, and Mon, great story, LOL! :oD

Kati said...


is my blog. Ya'll come y'hear!

Rach said...

Thanks, Man! :o)

Anonymous said...

I have tears pouring down my cheeks I'm laughing so hard. Especially from Playground Monitor's 'Do you want fries with that?' LOL

I have to say I have noticed the trend. However, since I haven't any real experience in the area all I can think is ouch! Ohhh, I have Passion on my TBR pile. Another series I have noticed the 'super-sizing' in is the Anita Blake series (I'm thinking Richard and Micah for those who have read any of the books).

I like the idea of a poll Michelle!


PS My vote's with MaryKate on querying the WARDen about the BDB...I can't stop thinking about the Brothers either :)

PPS Rach, I hope Monk is home and feeling better soon!

Anonymous said...

It doesn't bother either way. But with the size of these men they discribe,they would seem silly with a little wee wee. lol

ev said...

There is a really great book that Daughter got for writing- The Bald-Headed Hermit and the Artichoke.

It's an erotic thesaurus.

We have the best time just reading in, especially while we are driving.

Did you know that there are over 1400 synonyms for penis??

3-4-2-5 spells dick on a phone.

Just thought you might want to know.

Or to make you smile.

Admit it, you did.

Michele Hauf said...

Ha! Girth Girl, I am. :-) All this talk reminds me of a funny movie I rented a few weeks ago. THE OH IN OHIO. It stars Parker Posey as a housewife who has never had an 'oh', and goes in search of the 'oh'.
There's a scene in a sex toy shop that had me spurting pop through my nose. She's walking down the aisle of dildos, and there's this monstrously long (and girthy) purple one on display. She looks at the others around it. Her eyes stray coyly to the purple one. Looks at the other smaller ones. More eye straying. Finally, determined, she just reaches for the thing (with two hands; it's huge) and plops it grandly on the counter to pay for it. The lady at the register says something to the effect like 'oh no, this one is too dangerous for you. You need the starter kit.'

Well, it was hilarious. I highly recommend the movie for a good, quirky laugh.


ev said...

Now that I have gone back through and read all the posts, I have tears running down my face.

DH wants to know what is so funny.

I don't think I will tell him.

I hope Monkey is feeling better soon. Daughter got bit by the dog the other day. Serves her right for sneaking up on the poor thing. It's only a little hole.

Vivi Anna said...

OMG Michele! I'm going to have to rent that. I adore Parker Posey. She's so frickin' naughty and she all she has to do is look at you.

And speaking of TMI I did date this guy that was HUGE. He was the one that shaved off all his hair everywhere, he was also an exotic dancer, so I should've known ahead of time. But when I saw it, I was like 'oh, no you don't! You're not sticking that in me.'

It never did happen. How's that for TMI!!! LOL

danetteb said...

I read more paranormal romance partially because of some of the extraordinary "little men" that authors imagine.

Kati said...

Again I say, I SO want to buy you drinks and hear all about the wonder that is Vivi.

Unknown said...

LOL!!! Vivi Anna thank you for the TMI. It made me feel much better about mine. Now I know I'm not the only one who has either had a look of disappointment or the look of hoarer when they saw what they were about to receive ; ) LOL!

Sue A. said...

I've read a few books where oversizing was a problem to the extent that there was a fear of damaging the heroine. OUCH. The sex was always carried out with so much caution that it kind of spoiled the mood. Also the oversized appendages did not belong to the heroes. It seemed to me that the authors themselves have a fascination with the idea and wanted to live out the fantasy through the heroine at least once. Luckily the heroines were eventually able to find someone (the heroes) more their size. Like Goldilocks searching until she found the one that was "just right."

Anonymous said...

LOL Girth Girls...can we form a union?

Rach said...

Back from another five hours at the hospital. Monkey should be coming home tomorrow--keep your fingers crossed!

MK, when you take Vivi out for drinks may I come along to live vicariously?? Please???

Kati said...

Oh you bet Rach! I say drinks for everyone!!!

Unknown said...

I'm there!

Anonymous said...

for sure...cosmo for me, please

Anonymous said...

It seems like men in romance novels have always been well endowed--and why not? He's larger than life in every other way.

Sometimes penis imagry can be really funny. I think I laugh for about 10 min every time I read the word "manroot." In fact I'm laughing right now just thinking about it...

Anonymous said...

If you are perverted, so am I. I do like the penis imagery, but I don't like too flowery imagery, I prefer bluntness mostly. It is what it is, trying to make it sound pretty, to me, is almost like an insult to my intelligence. I'm a big girl, I don't call a penis a wee-wee anymore. As for size, never really thought of it, but yes it does seem a trend to have very large penises, but then we need to understand that it is all just fantasy, whatever floats one's boats, so to speak.

Monica Burns said...

Yeah steph, I can understand you laughing at manroot. I think beets or ginger root when I read manroot. Now that's a mood killer ain't it.

His ginger root stiffened and cricked to one side as he watched her undress. (to get that you have to have seen ginger root in the store! LOL)


Portia Da Costa said...

Ack, sometimes I hate living in the UK! I miss the best bits of the comment chat here because it goes on while I'm asleep!

But all this talk of penises and manroots has made me want to move my WIP on a bit faster... I'm in a plotty, story bit at the mo, and now I'm desperate to get back to a bit of juicy penis description! ;)

ev said...

I dated a guy whose manroot crooked a bit to the side.

Stacy~ said...

Hey Rach, glad the Monkey is doing okay.

Monica! Good to see you posting over here again :) It's been awhile.

I think we all definitely need to get together around the campfire and have Vivi tell us her stories...and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if they were all true. 'ritas all 'round!

The size thing is especially common in the erotic romances, and it gives me the impression of giving birth in reverse, in instead of out. Major ouch. I don't care for the imagery - the heroine should have a smile on her face, not a look of pain. I think big is really good, but gargantuan is not.

I think the first time I remember reading about the monster penis was in Robin Schone's "My Lady's Tutor", and it took time to get it all in. Was it 11 inches? I can't remember now, there have been so many big boys since then. And now MK's got me curious: just how in proportion are those Brothers?

Stacia said...

I've totally noticed the supersizing of penises lately. In so many books the author talks about how it's so large, the heroine wonders if she can handle it all. Instead of wondering if the heroine will split in two from being impaled by it, why not just keep them big, but not humongous? Personally, the really, really big boys scare me - LOL!

Rach said...

LOL, Mon!! Ginger root crooking. LOL, Ev :oD!

Off to the hospital again. I'll check back in when I can.

clare said...

I love this site:

give a list of euphemisms for body parts and the things you can do with them!

makes me laugh every time.