Thursday, March 29, 2007

Tom Irwin GuestBlog: I Want A Girl...

One LCB wins a copy of “I Want a Girl,” courtesy of Tom Irwin!
You might think I'm partial to Comedian and author Tom Irwin cause he's a Boston Red Sox fan, a nice Irish Catholic boy, and has served our nation, both in the military, and entertaining troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. And you'd be correct.

But I really like the idea that Tom's put some thought into which of the myriad qualities that are "woman" would make the perfect "Girl" for him. And anytime a guy puts some thought into male/female relationships, I think we need to reward him for the effort. Tom's new boo
k, "I Want a Girl: Thoughts on the Perfect Companion" is sweet, funny, and reminds one of how nice it is when I guy notices something unique about the woman inside each of us. Please offer Tom a warm Bella buongiorno...

Greetings from Los Angeles. It’s Tom Irwin from “I Want a Girl: Thoughts on the Perfect Companion." Before I get started, I would like to thank Michelle for the opportunity to introduce myself and my book to all of her fans. I sent my book to her last month, and although it may not be a “romance novel” it is certainly “Romantic" in my humble opinion.

I'd like to tell you a little about the author (me) before I get started. I am a comedian who lives in Los Angeles, California. Before I got into the comedy business, I was a soldier in the United States Army out of Ft. Leonard Wood Missouri. I was in a combat engineering unit that spent most of its time in the field in many places across our great country and eventually the jungles of Panama.

After moving to
Los Angeles and working in the clubs here in Hollywood, I was asked to go to Iraq and entertain the men and women of the United States military. What an honor it’s been to do shows for those great men and women, who are currently in Iraq and Afghanistan!

I have been to Iraq and Afghanistan four times as I write this to you and I am scheduled to return sometime this summer. After walking through the war zone, I wrote a one person show titled “25 Days in Iraq: A Comedian’s journey through the War." I have toured the country trying to raise awareness for our troops in a non-partisan, human interest way. I was honored to be asked to perform my show at the White House in Washington, D.C. last summer.

I have always been a romantic, albeit a rather unconventional one. And that is how my book “I Want a Girl” came to be. When I moved to Los Angeles, I knew no one. I did not have that special someone in my life. So I started making a list of what I wanted in a soul mate. The list started out small, and I would add to it anytime I could think of something that I believed to be a quality I wanted in the “other” I was searching for. The list continued to grow and became the basis for my book.

grew up in an Irish Catholic household with four sisters. In doing so, you cannot help but be affected by how women tick. It took awhile, but I finally learned things such as saying “why don’t you just get a different one?” is not an acceptable answer when your sister tells you she's lost the backing to her favorite earring. No, you get up off the couch and pull all the cushions off and look for THAT backing. It’s a big deal. I just didn’t realize it at the time. My sisters and my mother have taught me a lot in my life, and I am eternally grateful for that.

So in learning things like the above topic, I decide to venture out as an author. And that is how my book came to be. I wanted to create a book that women could read quickly, and often as well and carry it in their purses if they wanted to. It’s simple, sentimental and for everyone. Here are some of my favorite sample pages from my book.

…Who laughs at the cheesy songs we hear at the laundromat.

…Who gives me a kiss and says “I love to watch you sleep”.

…Who sends me handwritten letters even though we live in the same town.

... Who encourages me to chase my dreams, while she is chasing hers.

…Whose favorite part of eating Chinese food is the fortune cookies.

…. Who laughs at the dirty emails I send her.

….Who thinks Christmas gifts should be opened with lots of drinks and the Elvis Christmas album on repeat.

So I thank all you Bellas for reading this blog, and I hope that you can all find yourselves in my book somewhere. It was written with you in mind. It’s not “War and Peace,” and Fabio isn’t on the cover, but I betcha it makes you smile.

What’s the best lesson a woman can teach a man?

Visit Tom at, and check out the wicked trailer for "25 Days in Iraq" at

Encore! CHRISTINA, you've won the copy of JR Ward's "Lover Unbound," which I'll send along the nanosecond it's released. Congratulazione, Bella! I've emailed you. Thanks everyone for stopping by to visit JR's GuestBlog!


Anonymous said...

Hi Tom,
First I want to say I think it is awesome that you have entertained our troops. And are going back again. Please let them know all of us back home are grateful and proud.

Your snippets look great, I smiled at a few of them. I have to say, I think that men who have sisters in their life are so much more in tune with women. There are 5 of us in my family and the three oldest are girls, then we have my two younger brothers. You can bet they both know how to deal with a girl going through PMS. Which is more than I can say for most of their friends without sisters. LOL!

Kelly F.

Anonymous said...

Buongiorno, Bellas and Tom!

It's cool to have a guy show his romantic streak to all and sundry. Thank you for that!

What's the best lesson a woman can teach a man? Hmm... I would say, that it is okay to be completely honest (to be himself), by being herself first.

Makes sense?

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Buongiorno, Tom, and mornin' Bellas! It's always fun having a guy around RBtheBlog, and today he asks us to do what we love so much: give advice to men. Smart guy.

Best lesson to teach a guy? Hmmm... These are all part and parcel of the same advice:

Remember the things she tells you are important. Write them down if you have to, or buy a mini-recorder to help do the trick.

Oh, and tell her, "I will do for you or give you whatever you want that's within my power to, but you have to tell me what it is." Help her learn it's OK to ask for what she wants, and it will make you both happy.

That said, "surprise" her at gift-giving time by finding out her idea of a perfect gift by asking someone who knows her really well, like her best friend, sister, mom, etc. DON'T ask her in this case.

Question for Tom: What's the best way for a woman to let a guy know when he does get something right?

ACK, Bellas! I'm sick again, and so, so sorry to keep missing out on hanging with youz. I'll try to do better today.

Kati said...

Hi Tom! Welcome to RBtB! Your book sounds VERY cool! So, spill, have you found the "girl" yet?

Anyway, best lesson a woman can teach a man? Well, I like to think of it as "counter-programming." It's that it's OK to show emotion. I think a lot of guys are programmed by other men in their lives to not show emotion -- to "be a man." I contend that women find it sexy to have a man who is free with his emotions, either happiness, or sadness. And the sexiness is compounded when you tell her about it.

Great list, by the way! I love the woman who laughs when you send her dirty emails. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Michelle, I hope you get all the way well soonest! *sending positive energy your way*

Congratulations, Christina! *turning slightly green with envy*


(Kelly F., you can post with your name like I do by choosing 'other' in the identity area, and typing your name)

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU Azteclady! I had asked in a previous post but never saw a reply. Thanks for helping me out. :)

Anonymous said...

You are welcome, Kelly, glad to be of help! I thought I had replied before, but blogger comments have been wacking out on me, and it didn't post.

Phoebe Belsley said...

Hi Tom! How sweet to hear a man likes handwritten letters. Awwwwww...

The best lesson a woman can teach a man? That thoughtfulness, no matter how small or unseen, is appreciated, even if not always directly or publicly acknowledged. A woman knows what her man does. Folding the laundry might not be met with cries of rapturous delight (hey, nobody gets excited when *I* fold the laundry), but I know he did it. I appreciate it. And when we go to the ballgame, and I leave to go to the bathroom and he asks me to snag a beer on the way back, I walk all the way around Fenway to the lone Sam Adams beer stand to bring him a decent beer in appreciation. (See, it really is the little things...)

Michelle: ack! Sick again? Take care, bella!

Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention the lesson I would teach a guy. I would teach him that it is important for him to take care of himself. Most of the men in my brothers mostly have no clue how important an annual physical is. They consider health insurance a waste of their money and don't get check ups. I understand when you work in a trade as they do, one is in construction and the other in masonry. Insurance isn't easy to get, but you still need to see a Dr. and stay healthy.

kerri1973 said...

Hi Tom and Welcome! Smooches to the Bellas! xxx Tom, I have to say that I love the one about wanting a girl to send you handwritten love letters in the mail even though you live in the same town. I did exactly that to my boyfriend (and now fiance). He told me that he hadn't received love letters like Forever...and that it was one of the reasons he fell madly in love with me. How bout that? So, you are not the only guy out there who still believes that romance exists. I'll tell you that both my fiance and myself are headed into our second marriage and we both have children from our previous marriage. Those are huge challenges but yet still...we find our relationship "easy". While it is true that having a successful long term relationship requires the effort of both people, there is no reason why it can't be easy. If it is meant to be then it should flow along without a battle at every turn. So, are you still searching for the woman of your dreams? I know how tough the single life can be and there are a lot of weirdos out there (both male and female). Albeit, there are still genuine women out there who just want to be loved and appreciated. Best of luck in your search and always remember that it is truly the little things that matter most. Chow!

Julie in Ohio said...

Welcome, Tom!!

I love to laugh so my advice is to simply find something to laugh at together. Laugh out loud and laugh often, even if it's just at yourself.

Oh, and yes, putting the toilet seat down is a big deal. Maybe not finding the back of an earring important but it's right up there. :o)

Julie in Ohio said...

Oh, Michelle, I'm sending the cyber-soup right over. I'm just getting over the creepy crud myself.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}

amy kennedy said...

Hi Tom and Bellas, what a great question--and just the fact that you would ask that question shows how much you're interrested in us.

It's the little things, Tom. The conksiderate little things that a man does that makes us realize he's paying attention to us, our likes, our dreams, our beings.

I love Michelle's--write it down if you have to--oh and look at me when I'm talking to you.

amy kennedy said...

Yes, the conKsiderate important. That's opposed to the bonksiderate things. Sheesh.

Vivi Anna said...

Welcome Tom. mmm, I love the smell of testesterone in the morning....:-) I adore a man that can make me laugh. Endorphines rock!!!

Smooches Bella.

What would I teach a man??? (Michelle, no not THAT lesson!) I would tell him to make your woman happy FIRST and you will never be unhappy because she will bend over backwards to make sure you have everything you've ever needed or wanted.

My sister has finally found a man after one divorce and many many years of dating that understands that, and they are the happiest, cutest couple I have ever seen. Even when they fight, they are so adorable. And they always laugh about it after. I've never seen her happier and it makes me so very pleased.

He does understand that the little things matter, that compliments never go out of style no matter how long you've been together, that doing the dishes together can turn into a water fight, that can turn into a hot night of sex.

I'd also teach a man that sex doesn't solve everything. And that most women can't go to sleep angry, so please finish the argument before you go to sleep.

Oh, I probably have more...LOL

I'm also looking for that man that's perfect for me...I should write a book like this and make it part of my dossier when I date. LOL

Unknown said...

Am I the only one hearing Uncle Bonsai in my head?

I want a man who'll wash the dishes
I want a man who'll make the bed
I want a man who's not suspicious
I want a man who's halfway dead
I want a man who'll do the laundry
Vacuum the carpets, sweep the floor
I want a man who knows his boundaries
No one could ask for more

principessa said...

A man whose understanding of your character allows him to be thoughtful, kind and helpful in many ways big and small. SOmeone who is sensitive and sincere and can be there for you through all the trials and tribulations.

Unknown said...

What an interesting life you lead! I come from a Catholic family of 6 girls so I know a few things about what a girl wants in a man!

The most important thing, imo, is that when said girl tells her man about some emotional problem or life crisis she is having, she doesn't necessarily want him to fix it for her or tell her what to do. She wants him to listen and 'empathize.' (It took my husband 10 years to work that one out!)

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Ah, Kate, that's a big one. Guys don't always understand that women "think out loud," and that we really want them to be part of the process. Listening = caring for most women. ^ girls! Yikers!

Hiya, principessa. We can always tell when they're not being sincere. Maybe all moms should teach their sons that gem.

Perhaps, Kalen, perhaps. :)

Um, hullo, Vivs? Sex doesn't solve everything? Gosh, I'm gonna have to write that one down. But you're right; it's simple: make her happy and you'll be happy -- and she'll make you very, very happy.

It's like Caroline was saying about doing the laundry (although I feel exactly the same way, Caroline, like, who's giving me the gold star for flushing the toilets after the kids every day and putting the damn snacks in the backpacks)?

A while back, someone mentioned how a husband or partner vacuuming or something is akin to assuring he'll get great sex, because it's showing he cares in a way we appreciate. He's showing us he's noticed something that needs to be done, all on his own.

But in that same discussion, I think someone remarked that we enable guys to not notice stuff, especially cause we nurture so much in the beginnings of relationships. We kvetch about guys losing the "romance" they had when we met them, but we tend to lose the sweet, nurturing stuff, too. Of course, it's anybody's guess whether we stop because they do...

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

jules, mmm,mmm, good on the soup. I'm goin to the doc this afternoon to see what's what. My poor kids. First day of Spring Break and they're strapped to the computer and video games. Not that that's out of the ordinary, I just had bigger plans...

hey, azteclady, that's a really good point. I totally get it.

Hey, Kelly f.! You got your own account! Not that I ever really considered you anonymous. :) My husband finally -- after, like, 3 years of having a really bad cough -- just started seeing a doctor about it. I swear, I was ready to get an attorney. I mean, taking care of your health is like saying to your family, "I care about you; I care that you love and want me to be around a long time." You are so right.

Oh, yeah, Ames. I'm already teaching that to my son. You can't look at the computer or the TV and pay attn to me. I remember realizing that my husband loved me when we were first dating because he would turn off the tv when i came into the room. He grew out of it, of course...

tom irwin said...

Dear Bellas,

Thank you for all of you emails. I am a work in progress. And in your question about whether or not I found someone, I did. She is a fantastic girl from Washington, D.C. Now living in LA. We are to be married in November. So I hope the book can help others, or just make for fun conversation. One woman who bought my book said that she was all but four of the pages. This book is not meant to be a test. Just a guide. And a fun one at that.

All the best,


Kati said...

A while back, someone mentioned how a husband or partner vacuuming or something is akin to assuring he'll get great sex, because it's showing he cares in a way we appreciate. He's showing us he's noticed something that needs to be done, all on his own.

That was me. I tell my guy friends all the time: vacuuming = foreplay for women. LOL!

Tom - I'm so glad to hear you found your match! That's so great! Good luck with the wedding! Here's my wedding advice: when it comes time to kiss her at the end of the service, STEP INTO THE KISS. Otherwise you guys end up looking like a Precious Moments statuette, and the photographer always takes a shot of the kiss. Trust me on this! Best of luck!

robynl said...

Hi and welcome Tom. I believe this book will be a great book with some humor thrown in.
My advice is to never let the sun go down on your anger; get things resolved.

Anonymous said...

Tom -

Love the stuff you say in your book .. especially the one "I want a girl who changes my life without changing hers."

My husband said he fell in love with me because I was not looking to be rescued and wasn't afraid to give him crap when he deserved it. Well, and my gorgeous bod too! heh heh

As for what women want...
Really listen when they're telling you out around the house without being asked... compliments NEVER go out of style... leave her little love notes - the best gifts are those that cost nothing....and when the kids come along, encourage her to keep her friendships and give her alone time and you'll never go wrong. Best wishes Tom!

tom irwin said...

Hey Y'all,

Thanks for the kind wishes regarding my engagement. She's hot and she loves football sunday. Enough said. BTW she's in the book. You just have to figure out where.


Kati said...

Yeah, but Tom, the important question, is being from DC is she a Redskins fan???


*who is from DC and bleeds burgundy and gold*

alissa said...

Being together is not a competition. It is a lifelong commitment which should be honored with respect and kindess. A husband who shows an interest in your feelings and is there for you no matter what, is what counts. His devotion and loyalty may sound old fashioned but I believe most women value.

Playground Monitor said...

I've been out all day and just now checking in.

Oh poor Bella! Sick again! Slurp up that cyber-soup and get well soon.

Best lesson to teach a man? Well I decided my sons were going to learn to be self-sufficient so they know how to cook and clean and do laundry. They're not as good at it as moi *g* but they do a pretty good job. And #1 son is absolutely wonderful with the grandbaby. He gets up on Saturdays and takes her with him to run errands. She's becoming very familiar with Lowe's. And last week she crawled around the yard while he weeded flower beds. I think she ate some dirt too, which he didn't get all upset over. He told me "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt." Isn't he a good daddy?

#2 son still has a ways to go in the housekeeping department but he'll get there -- especially if he meets the right woman. ;-)


catslady said...

It sounds like you already have a good sense of humor so I would suggest communication, communication, communication lol.

ev said...

This is the problem with working. I missed Tom today. I know who you are and am pissed that I wasn't here to play. Damn. Will have to try and read the posts later this weekend.

Off to work.

Laurie said...

Be yourself, accept yourself. If she doesn't appreciate who or what you are it's "Never" going to work out and vice versa.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!! Good thing you have such a wonderful sense of humor, it'll make all the decisions more palatable.