Monday, March 05, 2007

Hate To Be The One To Break It To Ya

One LCB wins a nice box of chocolates, because that's all I can seem to eat lately. Join me, won't you?

You probably wou
ldn't guess this about somebody who does what I do, but I've come to the stunning conclusion that there is no such thing as romance.

All there really is, and that which is at the heart of everything we call romantic, is simple consideration. Think about the term romance in its amorous incarnations -- even in the way it describes the genre we love -- then replace the word romantic with considerate or consideration, and you'll see what I mean.

So yesterday, Dave and I are hangin with the kids, drivin home from the movies and listening to Little Big Town's CD, "The Road to Here," which has this song I dig called, "Bring it On Home," which was big on the Country charts back in '05. Do you know LBT? Gorgeous voices and blending, Appalachian-style harmonies, really fine musicality.

Anyway, the song's like a romance novel to music. This guy -- cutie Jimi Westbrook, whom I started crushin on when I saw LBT do a gig w/ FM's Lindsey Buckingham on CMT -- is sayin to his squeeze...well, you read the lyrics. I'm like, "this song is a flippin romance novel! This boy is sayin: I know what you like, you don't have to tell me. I'm gonna make it all better.

Far as I'm concerned, the only thing that could make it better is if he were to offer jewelry with the sentiment. But that's just me.

Anywayz, try to listen to "Bring it On Home" on the Inet if you can, then tell me

What is romance?

Bring it On Home:

You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone you loves you more than life right here
You got willing arms that hold you tight
A hand to lead you through the night right here.

I know your heart can get all tangled up inside.
But don't you keep it to yourself.

When your lon
g day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me.

You know I know you like the back of my hand
But you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here
I'm gonna like with you till you fall asleep
When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am).
So take your worries and just drop them at the door
Baby leave it all behind.
Encore! Grazie mille, Rona Sharon for sharing a few days of Pirate romance and high seas hijinx with us. It was wicked fun, and we look forward to your next visit!

Encore due! I also include here, Little Big Town member Phillip Sweet. Cause there's just somethin about a handsome good ol boy, i'n't (and you've got to say it just like that) there? Well, if you 've never dated one, take my word for it. Those were the sweet and simple days back in Central Pennsylvania...

Encore tre! LBT has two really talented women in it. But they're, well, chicks, so -- maybe they'll get blogged about over at ESPN's The Sports Guy or something.


Stacy~ said...

I love those good ole boys! Yep, I've heard of LBT. Good stuff, Maynard.

Another song that comes to mind is Keith Urban's "Making Memories of Us". Don't have time to post the lyrics, but I love what that song has to say.

Gotta run. Have a fabulous day everyone and I'll catch ya later...

Laura Vivanco said...

I do see what you mean, and I think that you're right that concern and consideration for the other is at the heart of romance. But I think that romance is that plus a lot more. That bit of the song lyric you quoted could be sung by a friend to another friend, or a parent to a child, or a brother to a sister. The difference between those loves and romantic love are all those hormonal urges, the nerve-tingling anticipation, the breathlessness etc. When you post those pictures of hot wet guys, it isn't to get everyone feeling considerate. ;-)

ev said...

Love LBT. they will be here with Martina. And concert season has begun.

What about Colin Raye's Love Me. Everytime I see that video it makes me cry, so does the song. If you don't know it, it's about a grandfather telling his grandson about the history of his marriage, just after grandma dies. It's a tear jerker, but it always gives me the fuzzy feelings I find in romance books.

And yeah, I am already starting to see a theme here- I'm sorry but no rap or hip-hop song can convey those kind of feelings. They just give me the icky's.

Eve Silver said...

Michelle, I think romance is as you described. Throughout all our years together, the (amazing, gorgeous, talented, LOL!) hubby has been unfailingly considerate of me. He does half the housework (or more). Took off five years when the kids were first born to stay home and help raise them. Cleans the snow off my car every morning. Has coffee ready for me in a porta-mug, and raisin toast.

And he runs and weight trains and takes care of himself...and trust me that's romantic! (Yeah, Laura, gotta give a big nod to your hormonal urges reference, LOL!)

dd03 said...

There's another song I love besides, Colin Ray's Love Me....I think its called "Where have you been?"....goodness, I cry at that one! O.O



It's my Bday (I'm not telling you that 'cause I want bday wishes, etc....I want you to understand how twitchy I am O.O), Butch is REVEALED in less than 24 HRS....AND I just read in your newsletter that THE WARDen WILL BE BLOGGING THIS MONTH....I CAN'T STAND IT!!!

*begging with puppy dog eyes*
dd....a twitchy, antsy cellie who has to go to work like this!

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

I remember that song, ev! Definite tear-jerker.

Eve, I'm ignoring you because your husband make me want to cry, he's so wonderful.

Ciao, Stace.

Indeed, Laura, you've got the right of it. Though I am being considerate in posting the hot/wet pics, no? Like our Bella MaryKate, I'm a giver.

But when I think of the things we love about romance novels, the heroes in them, no matter how authentically guy-like, are imbued w/feminine insight. Whether he's giving the heroine her orgasm first (or at all) or helping her catch the evil dude out to kill her, he's being considerate.

In real life, think about this. When our girlfriends say, "I just wish he was more romantic, brought me flowers, got a sitter and took me to dinner," aren't they really saying, "I would feel more like showing him affection -- what we established is one of the effects of "romance," -- if he took the time to be considerate?

Look, we’re competent modern women. We ask for what we want/need from guys, but that isn’t – dare I suggest it? – romantic. If a guy does something special that pleases us w/out our asking, he's not being romantic, he's being considerate.

I recently wrote a Top Ten Valentine Gifts freelance piece. One of the gifts? The gift of forethought. Because women take care of themselves and everyone/thing else all the time, don't make them ask for what they want on a "romantic" day. Ask everyone who knows her well, then surprise her w/what she’d really love.

See? Consideration = romance.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

dd! Buon Compleanno, Bella! Hurray for you! So glad you dropped by to let us share it with you.

I'm not being coy, Miss Ward and I are still trying to set another date, since the first had to be rescheduled. She sends her apologies to the Bellas, cause she knows we get frantic around BDB release time. You know what I mean. So, Happy, Happy, Day, dd!

BTW, "Where Have You Been" is still one of the best songs ever. I tear up just thinking about it. Country music and romance novels have a lot in common and it ain't hounds and drunken, carousing men chasing girls. Unless we're talkin Regencies. I wonder if there's a crossover reading audience bet the two genres?

Cherie said...

I think romance is more than consideration. My hubby helps with the kids, changing diapers, etc. but he also tries to make other loving gestures. He knows I love flowers so occasionally he will bring me home some just to says how much he appreciates me and how special I am to him.

Cherie Japp

sharon said...

When I hear "You were on my mind" done by Willie Nelson, it just gives me the shivers. The entire song and words are what makes it so special. That to me represents romance. A man who can understand that a woman is interested in being cared for and that the small things are so important and mean so much to her. She will remember those times.

pearl said...

Eric Clapton's, Wonderful Tonight has always resounded with me as a romantic ballad which tears at my heartstrings. I have heard it many times and know the great lyrics. If a man could realize that the smallest gesture and compliment means so much to a woman. He can bring her tea every morning and show a little kindess without expensive gifts but just being helpful and thoughtful on a daily basis.

Playground Monitor said...

A lot of country songs have a romance novel lurking in the lyrics.

Anybody watch Desperate Housewives last night? Poor Tom Scavo -- he tries so hard. And Lynette needs to have her balls removed so Tom can have them. And Ian... well he's not the nice guy I thought he was.

Back to romance... I think you're onto something here Bella. I just have to get some caffeine in my system and cogitate on it a bit.


Kati said...

Mornin' Bellas. Well, Michelle, I'm sure we'll have lots of guys glad to hear that there's no such thing as romance. LOL! Just kidding!

I do think that it's the little stuff that counts. And sometimes life gets so busy it's easy to forget that.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been readin' readin' readin! (I spent $62 at Books-A-Million this weekend! 9 books later, I've got some stuff to read! LOL!)

dd03 said...

Thanks, Michelle!

I just posted over at the WARDen room....just a lil' prod...*devilish grin*

As for the romance genre and country music....I love a good story telling!

*ok...really running off to work now*

alissa said...

A romantic song which is wonderful is any song that Patrizio Buanne sings. He is hot! I have his latest CD and play it all the time. Being taken care of with a back rub, going out for a walk together and just showing that you do care with the most mundane chores sometimes means alot.

Laura Vivanco said...

So romantic gestures = thinking/considering what will make the woman feel special, make her feel that he's been thinking about her and her needs. And if he gets it right, it shows he understands her. Which is why it isn't so romantic if it feels like (a) he only does these things when reminded or (b) hasn't put much thought into the gesture (c) gives her something/does something which she doesn't want, however much of a grand gesture it might be.

I wonder if it cuts both ways? Maybe women don't always appreciate men being considerate when it's in small (or big) ways that aren't considered traditionally romantic?

And some kinds of consideration are sort of basic-level politeness/niceness while others go beyond that, which is what makes them special.

Hmm. This is getting complicated.

Kati said...

I wonder if it cuts both ways? Maybe women don't always appreciate men being considerate when it's in small (or big) ways that aren't considered traditionally romantic?

Ooh, Laura, I like where you're going with this. I do think it's important to recognize both the BRG (Big Romantic Gesture) and the smaller ones. I always tell my guy friends, "Vacuuming is foreplay, you know that right?" IMO, when your man does that stuff without you asking for it (and not because he's anal retentive or OCD), it's a romantic gesture. And while you don't have to provide sexual favors for the effort, you should casually say, "You know, I really appreciate you taking the time to vacuum. It's one less thing I need to get done today." To me, the fact that he did it because he knows you'll appreciate it, is romantic as hell.

Playground Monitor said...

Vacuuming is foreplay

LOL, marykate! But true. So's putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher (do men lack some gene necessary to distinguish between clean and dirty dishes in the dishwasher?), filling the cat bowl with water so she doesn't drink from the toilets, adding "peanut butter" to the grocery list stuck to the fridge when you use the last of it and the list goes on. And on. And on.

Yeah, I think it cuts both ways. I put his dishes in the dishwasher because my man does lack that gene *g*, I filled the cat bowl and I noticed he was getting low on walnuts and bought him another bag at the grocery store -- all without nagging.


Kati said...

So's putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher (do men lack some gene necessary to distinguish between clean and dirty dishes in the dishwasher?)

Marilyn - I totally remember telling my ex that there was no "dish fairy" living in our house. It was me putting his dishes in the dishwasher. And that filling your cereal bowl up with water and leaving it in the sink wasn't really sufficient. He was like, "I'm letting it soak." Why?! Did you top your Rice Krispies with cheese and nuke it? There's no reason it needs to soak.

ellie said...

Women want to be appreciated and are seldom shown. The songs that have depth, Home by Michael Buble and the songs from Phantom always have me in tears. Most men have no concept of this romance aspect.

Playground Monitor said...

Dish fairy... sock fairy... toothpaste cap fairy... recyclables fairy... newspaper fairy...

*sniff* I could sure use them.


joelle said...

When I watch my two married sons I am in awe. They are so giving, and considerate and kind always. I think that this new generation has learned and understands this important idea. It is an everyday, normal behavior which does my heart good. They just do it naturally and enjoy it too.

principessa said...

If a man can be romantic and helpful, kind and soft natured I would certainly appreciate his efforts. It is so touching to see this and I would love to experience this anytime and anyday. It means more to me than a gift and it is from the heart.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Brava, Laura. It's super important to them (the THEM being guys) to know they FINALLY got it right at least that one time. Apparently, they seem to be under the impression it's not always about us. Poor, deluded bastards.

But they're so wonderful anywayz, aren't they? I just love men. sigh.

amy kennedy said...

Michelle, I love LBT--and like other people I think most country music tell wonderful romantic stories.

This is romance: I worked all day at the Ren fair in my gypsy peasant costume, met my husband to be at the door and after kissing me silly, he picked me up and carried me to the bathtub where he washed my feet.

I am not kidding.

And before anyone starts murmering about him beinfg worried about dirt--we were at a hotel, so I don't think he was conserned about the carpet.

What do you think? Consideration or Romance? Now don't get me wrong, I would rather have consideration every day than romance once in awhile...but still.

amy kennedy said...

Geez--could I make more speeling errors?


Michelle Buonfiglio said...

And, yes, we have to remember when they remembered to walk the dog or took the kids on our night, or did something kinda regular. Even though I hate when Dave brings up that when I'm going after him for something he didn't do. grrr. But don't worry. You can acknowledge the small gesture, and dig right back in...

Maria, Lover of All Things Romance said...

I think romance is complete acceptance of a person and loving them for their flaws. Or maybe that's love. Wait, I'm confused

Maureen said...

If consideration means thinking of the person and wanting to make them happy then I agree.

ev said...

Play- did you actually think Ian would end up being a nice guy??LOL We all know she belongs with Mike, so any guy has to have a bad core. And how perfect that what's her name ended up preggers?? My only piece of advice to Tom would be to not plan those romantic adventures around a special date. Pick a time when she won't be expecting it. That would take her by surprise.

Vivi Anna said...

Y'all need to read the book the Five Love Languages. It talks about how we all give and receive love differently.

For me I give love by doing lots of things for the one I love, back rubs, makign dinner, doing things..

But my ex didn't receive that as love.

His reception of love was physical, saying I love you, kisses, touches, sex...

So, he'd give love the same way he wanted to receive it, not knowing that I don't receive those actions as love. I like to receive love with doing things for me.

Does that make sense?

I think EVERY coupel should read this book. It'll help in a lot of ways.

Stacy~ said...

Okay, I'm reading a lot about guys leaving dirty dishes and not putting the toilet seat down kinda stuff. I'm going to go out on a limb and risk asking "do you think it might be because their mom did everything for them?" I see how my mom was with my brothers, even when they were adults - totally different than she was with me. I was on my own whereas my brothers didn't have to do more than show up at the table and mom's like "can I get you anything honey? Milk? More gravy?" Do you think women (moms especially) are teaching men to expect women to wait on them hand and foot? I'm not saying all women are like this, of course, but there are quite a few out there.

I don't know, maybe we don't want to open that can of worms. Disclaimer: the only mom I am seriously referencing is my own, since I've seen her in action - the poor women who end up with my brothers *g*

robynl said...

Consideration is of utmost importance. My two step sons have it for their wives but I think the one wife demands it and the other one is lucky that her dh automatically does it. Lucky girls.

Playground Monitor said...

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." - Ryan O'Neal to Ali MacGraw in Love Story

ev said...

Thank gods I have a well trained one. I don't know if it was the Army or mom or his late wife, but they did a good job.And I get to reap the benes....

Adriana said...

How did I miss this yesterday? I love Vivi Anna's perspective: you are so right. The behaviors that communicate "I care about you" are different for each of us and it take practice to learn each other's language in any relationship -- so I guess I'd say, tops, that romance is caring enough to learn each other's language and using it! Then that language can do anything from offering quick pick-me-ups to full out seduction, no holds barred (that would be romantic, too, right?).


kerri1973 said...

What is romance? It is so many delicious things and I live for romance! Sometimes it is cards, flowers, chocolate, and sweet nothings whispered in my ear. Lately, when times are stressful and days are is coming home to a home cooked meal prepared by my man. Enjoying the meal and not having to clean the kitchen afterwards then laying on the sofa and having him rub my aching feet. Followed by the pleasant surprise of crawling into a bed that has freshly washed sheets that smell lovely and that I didn't have to wash myself and falling asleep in the arms of the man of my dreams. That's even more romantic to me than all the flowers in the world.

amy kennedy said...

dd03--forgot to wish you Happy Birthday, yesterday.

Happy Birthday!

Vivi, I think I should get that book.

Vivi Anna said...

Adriana, you are so right. Learning your sig other's love language and using it even if it takes you out of your comfort zone. Not only is that romantic, it's unconditional love by far.

Amy, it's a good book. I wish I had read it at the beginning of my marriage instead of toward the end. By then, neither of us was interested in making it work.

Laurie said...

I've never even heard of LBT but I'm definitely going to check them out. Jimi W is so handsome!

My favorite romantic songs are Lady in Red by Chris DeBurgh and I Can't Help Falling in Love With You by Elvis.

Romance to me is surprising your loved one(s) with the "little things": making their favorite dinner,dessert, bringing in some flowers from the yard or from the store,picking up a favorite CD, buying tickets to a concert or sporting event that they'll like, but most importantly telling them that you love them and appreciate them.

Antonia Pearce said...

Blogger hates me, but I'll try this again. LOL

Oooh, Michelle! Very interesting topics!

I think consideration is certainly a huge chunk of "romance."

All the very best heroes, along with their physical attributes, along with their ability to save the world, save the heroine and be kind to small children and old ladies, also become focused on the heroine. She becomes the center of his universe. The most important thing in the world to him.

This is the ultimate fantasy. The romantic gestures, be they large or small, don't matter. It's the intention. The attention. The interest. Some of us are lucky enough to find this in real life, some not. But it's always out there though, in romance novels and songs. ;-)

Anyone heard Billy Currington's, "Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right?" Sigh.