Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Kicking & Screaming Into the Digital Age

It's a bit of an experiment in "repurposing," but I've just started writing bi-weekly blogs for a cool new Inet site called MyLoveBytes.com. Today's my debut!It's a place where folks looking for romance -- or looking to get back into looking for romance after divorce -- can find all kinds of information, advice, and generally fun romance-related stuff. There are blogs and vlogs -- neat-o videos and webcam feeds. Which means I get to do actual video segments about romance and sexuality and stuff.

There's an absolutely gorgeous young host(ess) named Vanessa, who's got the whole MTV VJ thing kickin. And her co-host, George, is the self-effacing good guy who everybody wants to be married to. He and his bro are the brains behind MyLoveBytes.com.

In some Vlogs, Vanessa and George will ask singles questions based on my romance novel blogs.
And romance novels are nothing if not about singles looking for love, no?

So what questions would you ask single women based on romance novels?

i.e., Romance heroes are rakes, and we love 'em for it. In real life, How do you feel about dating a guy who's got a reputation for being great in lots of women's beds?
Encore! Suzanne Brockmann GuestBlogs Thursday, August 31st. DO NOT MISS IT, BELLAS! It's phenom, plus, she's doing something great to help an heroic Navy SEAL.


Anonymous said...

Really... how do you do it in the shower without (1) slipping and sustaining a concussion or (2) having the water turn cold which is a definite erection deterrant?

And how DO you feel about possibly being just one more notch on a fellow's bedpost?

Colleen Gleason said...

To answer Kay's question...I feel just fine as long as I'm the *last* notch. ;-)

Actually, if the guy's good in bed, but not a he-ho, then I'd be okay with it. In other words, if he's just plain old good in bed without trying to lay as many women as possible, and instead takes his time with the one he's with and is true to her while they're together, then cool. She (I?) reaps the benefits of his experience.

My husband falls into that category, lucky me! Reformed Rake, he is!

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Excellent, Kay! So your first could be asked as, "Does romance novel-quality sex exist in the real world?"

I think your final question is probably one most important to single women.

I had a discussion w/ a single guy not long ago who tried to convince me -- while qualifying his lifestyle, I guess -- that single chicks today who are career-oriented, etc., don't want to be tied down to one guy, and especially not to one lover.

I don't buy it. I know a lot of women, and any of them who's had tons of lovers before "settling down" laments her earlier choices.

I make no judgement here because "choices" is the key op here. All's I'm sayin is that chicks have to work really frikkin hard not to be diminished emotionally during casual sex.

It's a nature and nurture thing that sucks. But we ain't equal to guys in this.

I'd definitely want to hear more from single women on this topic.

Glad to hear from you, Colleen! Congrats on your Rogue!

Anonymous said...

"Does romance novel-quality sex exist in the real world?"

Yeah. That's what I was trying to say. All those places that sound so romantic in the books haven't ever worked for me. Slippery tile, mosquitoes, fear of the boss knocking on the door, fear of parents hearing etc.

Call me a fuddy duddy, but give me a good solid mattress any day. And of course a snaxy man.

Julie in Ohio said...

There is the ultimate question that anyone and everyone has asked throughout the ages:

"Is there such a thing as happily ever after?"

My answer is Yes...depending on you qualifications. You are only as happy as you want to be. If you choose the right guy who is looking for the same things, all the better. However, in my experience, opposites attract so you want to be sure to find someone who is looking for the same things but who isn't *exactly* like you. Don't expect perfection because that ain't gonna happen, sister. And you will fight. Any good relationship has bumps. It is what you do with the knowledge afterwards that makes you stronger. But happily ever after is attainable. It's perfection ever after (which I think often gets confused with HEA) is what is impossible.

Vivi Anna said...

Hmm, I must be one of those rare women with even rarer emotions...LOL

I have no issue with all the casual sex I had in my twenties...truth be told that was what I was looking for...and is what I'm looking for now too...LOL

Playground Monitor said...

Michelle, I checked out your blog at mylovebytes.com but couldn't figure out a way to leave a comment. Is there not a comment option? Or am I just being galactically dense today?


Kati said...

Michelle - I love the ALPHA males in romance, but don't like them IRL. Don't get me wrong, I've got a strong personality (shocker, huh?!) and I don't want a guy I can push around, but I grew up with a serious ALPHA male, and I don't want one in my relationship. I believe in 50-50.

So maybe the question has something to do with alpha males, ie: "We love ALPHA males in our romance novels, but do we love them in real life?"

Also, can I say how unbelievably excited I am about Suz visiting? You're SO good to us Queen Bella!

ev said...

Good Mron...uh Afternoon all!!

Vivi- I am in agreement with you. I lost count in my 20's. Especially if they wore a uniform. Would I change anything if I knew better now? Maybe, maybe not. Would I tell my daughter. NO.

HEA's only happen if you work for them and keep on working. None of us are perfect so why should our mates be? Of course, that does not include learning to put the seat down. Thankfully, mine had already been well trained on that.

I can't wait to have Suzanne visit us!! Hopefully I will be home soon that day to check it out!!

Vivi Anna said...

Ev, you know it on the uniform thing...I had a major jones on for men in the Army...I started dating cadets when I was 14...hung around the armory for fun, just so I could watch them march aroudn in uniform.....mmmmmm...

But the fantasy was better than the reality. I found most men in the army were chauvinistic and were alcoholics. But for a good time...oh yeah!

Kati said...

Vivi - I actually dated a Navy SEAL for a little less than a year in college. While it ended really, really badly (cheating jacka$$!) he was well, physically quite a specimen and frankly all those 8 minute miles led to...stamina. Lots and lots and lots of it! LOL!

I managed in my dating career to date all branches of the military, but I'm definitely not cut out to be a military wife. But hey, I'll let one buy me dinner! :wink:

Julie in Ohio said...

You go, Bellas! You all are my person heroes. I personally don't have a problem with a man/woman with experience. :o)

My dh was in the Army. Although I met him about six months after he got out, he still had that nice physique that went with the training. :o)

I agree with you, MK. Alphas are a must for a novel but in real life I don't know if my house is big enough to hold a head that big...

amy kennedy said...

Wow--where to begin. Michelle, don't know if I have a question, and since I'm not single, maybe it doesn't matter, but can I answer--oh yeah, I can.

Kay, if you want the fantasy sex to work it can--but if you're more comfortable in amattress--have at it.

Colleen, of course you reformed your rogue. Lucky girl.

Julie, I'm right there with you--HEA is hard work, but worth it, yes?

Vivi and Ev--me also, tried making a list once and well, needed way too much paper, but I'm thinking I would have rather had the self- esteem, than the one nighters, well at least for some of them.

MaryKate, I actually consider my husband an alpha--but just in some things, he's worked hard to become more of a rennaissance (SP?) man. But sometimes that alpha peeking through gives me a little thrill.

Michelle--I think I already agreed with you on the whole being diminished during casual sex.

Julie in Ohio said...

(Julie coming out from under her rock)

What kind of books does Suzanne Brockmann write? Is she historical/contempt/para...etc?

(slinking away again)

Julie in Ohio said...

I should've added that I have heard nothing but wonderful things about her. And the wonderful things were actually glowing bundles of love...

Kati said...

::MK Gasps:: Jules, you've never read anything by Suz?!?!?! She writes fabulous contemporary novels featuring Navy SEALs. They are really terrific novels. She actually has two series, one that she writes about SEAL Team 10 (?! is that right?!) and another series, called Troubleshooters about SEAL Team 16. The stories are seriously amazing. She really understands military life very well, and she is among the best at writing realistic "man-speak." I recommend OVER THE EDGE, it's my favorite.

She writes great heroines and in many of her books includes a WWII storyline. Her stand alone titles are great too. I particularly love HEARTTHROB.

You really, really need to be reading Suz! She's a great glom!

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

As always, Vivs, I genuflect at your right hand for oh, so many. I was so scared of the military alphas when I was young. And they knew it, which made me marvelous fun for them to tease. I just ended up feeling incredibly naive. Which was really silly.

JulieO: Great one! "Is there any such thing as Happy Ever After?" Love it.

Help, me, MK. IRL? You know I'm acronymically challenged.

Amyskf: Let me tell you why it does matter that you're no longer single: cause we remember what it was like, and know what worked/didn't. I always found it better to learn from someone else's mistakes...

OK. Now listen up: Get thee to some Suzanne Brockmann before Thursday! Buy one, read an excerpt online, whatever.

I agree with MK: her guys are so refreshing. You already know how I feel about rough guys in romance who don't utter the word f*ck. Especially during sex, but that's another blog.

Anyway, Suzanne's definitely got the chops.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

And, no, Marilyn, you're not confused. There's no comment area on the blog, which I think we overlooked. Sorry. :) Thanks for checking it out!

Stacy~ said...

Throwing my $0.02 into the ring. I don't see a problem with men or women who are experienced - I think it's awesome that a lot of women aren't afraid to go after what they want, as long as they're smart about it. Experiment, have fun, and learn what works for you. As long as you respect yourself, and no one gets hurt, I don't see what's wrong with it.

And I am flippin' excited about Suz being here - she is my all-time fave contemporary writer, and her SEALs rock. Sam is to die for, no question. This is what a lot of bloggers would call their "squeeeee!" moment LOL.

Kati said...

Michelle - IRL = In Real Life. I'm just a lazy typer.

Stace - I'm with you, she's among my favorites. I'd probably have to go with Nora as my all time favorite, or maybe Linda Howard (even tho she's been lettin' me down lately), but Suz is my number three, and she wrote OVER THE EDGE which is in my top 10 romances of all time. (Michelle, that would be an awesome Bella blog!)

Anyway, Jules, you gotta, gotta, gotta be reading Suz!!! She's amazing!

Rach said...

Hi ya'll! =) HEA's are terribly hard work, and my aunt's 31 year marriage just fell apart. If only one part of the duo is willing to work on it, it just crumbles.

My husband and I were each other's firsts and onlies. I've had people ask if I ever worry I may have missed out on something and the truth is, no. Not really. I got to train him just the way I like him. We learned together, and things are continually getting better--even after 7 years of marriage, and six years of dating.

That said, I have no problem with guys/gals with tons of experience. Maybe if I *hadn't* married my high school sweetie...

I second what Stacy said about respecting yourself. Not to get too deep, but I think many high school, and even college girls have sex with lots of guys in an attempt to be "cool" and "accepted" and they lose sight of who they are and what they stand for. You should NEVER have sex with a guy because you want him to like you--do it because you *want* to!

Okay, am I all self-righteous or what?? Sorry!

Vivi Anna said...

It's true Rach, sex for some young women is just a search for someone to love them...

Women have sex for love

Men love to have sex

I on the other hand, didn't care less about love, but wanted to experiment...and boy did I ever!!!

Now, I want both. Lots of sex and love.

Julie in Ohio said...

Thanks for the update. I'll go to the book store tomorrow at lunch and get Suzanne Brockmann. I love a guy in a uniform. I can't wait. This is going to sound weird but I am a history nut and WWII is my favorite war. So that immediately caught my attention.

amy kennedy said...

Hey Julie, don't feel bad--I've never read her either, but I will, so don't yell at me MK, you either Stacy.

Rach, I find it enormously endearing that you married your high school sweet heart--my brother married his, they've been married almost 45 years--I think I was three at their wedding (quite the age spread in my family)

Vivi, I'm glad you knew what you were doing. I didn't.

Michelle, if I knew then, what I know now. Well...for one thing, I'd understand that self worth comes from in me and not some boy.

Okay--enough of that. I have a really good self image now. And I don't feel shame for the past, but I can step back and understand it now.

Okay, I'm done.

amy kennedy said...

hey Michelle, went to MyLoveBytes--cool. Once again--wish that had been around when I was single, although I don't think the computer was invented yet.

Julie in Ohio said...

LOL, Amy!! My kids asked me once if I had a TV when I was a kid. I can't tell you my response because it wasn't pretty and possibly not legal... :P

Rach, that is so sweet. My dh was my first but I wasn't his. He is five years older than me and he had been four years in the Army and stationed where things that are illegal here are legal there, if you know what I mean. I don't feel like I missed out on anything but there are moments of self doubt where I wonder if I'm not doing something that he might like, etc. But then I smack myself and say "Wake up, idiot. If he wanted you to do something else, he would say so." Then all is right with the world. :o)

amy kennedy said...

Sometimes Julie, I think the same thing--and I'm the one with way more experience in our relationship.

Hey, I just read an excerpt from Over The Edge--two things: First, I can't believe I have never read her before, I was immediately sucked-in. Second, who knew I'd like a military story. Don't get me wrong--love the whole uniform thang--just never thought I'd get in to a military romance.

I'm gonna try to pick-up one tomorrow.