Monday, May 08, 2006

The One That Got Away

We talked a lot the last couple days about crushin on guys we know, and guys we'd like to know.

Now, tell me this:

Who was your first love?
The one you thought you'd never get over.

For me, it was Sherwood Dowd. Dark eyes, Irish blarney, great musician, sweet. Alas, we were young and doomed from the start: he was a year younger at an age when every month counts.

What's the best/worst advice you ever got/gave about healing a broken heart?

Don't worry, Bellas. By this time Tuesday, Nathan Kamp will make everything all better. Cause Part one of "Real Life Romance Hero" can be found Tomorrow, May 9th at Romance: B(u)y the Book.

Please,tell your friends! Email! Link! Post!


Michele said...

Hmmmm, I must have been shallow as a youth, I got over every single one without a tear.
Not that I didn't have a reaction, but I was never crushed. It was their loss.

Best advice; from my friend Gail - Go minigolfing!(it was open until midnight) Have fun! So I did. We did. Gave up worrying and just did our "thang".
Men were trivial pursuits ... until ,when I least expected it, and I wasn't looking for it, WHAM! There he was. *sigh*

Worst?: from a male co-worker -Let's go drinking.
THAT never solves a thing.

Stacy~ said...

Um, Jason Westphal was the "love of my life". Crushed on him for over 4 years. Now? Who knows where he is...

Worst advice I gave? I don't really give advice. I will let you vent, or cry, or commiserate over the fact that (some) guys are jerks, but advice is not my area. No Dr. Ruth genes in my body...

Worst advice given? "Oh, go out with him. He's really not that bad". Jail record? Unemployed? Violent temper? Misogynist? Oh, sure, he's not that bad. Sigh....Sometimes friends, especially married ones or those in a happy relationship, wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to their friends finding love. Heck, I'd rather be single and happy than committed...and committed. (Or miserable). But people in relationships don't get that. They think if you're single it's cuz either there's something wrong with you and they have to "fix it" or you're too shy to ask someone out, or whatever. Well, I don't want to be single forever, but until I find someone I can put up with, I ain't complaining. The alternative isn't worth it LOL.

Valeen said...

My first real love was actually my RH. At 17 we dated for about six months and then split up. And I remember it well, it was so hard. I'd split up with many boyfriends before but nothing like that felt.

For the next two years, regardless of other boyfriends, I still always thought about him and pined away. Then just as I was starting to get over him ... he starts hanging around again. LOL and now seven years later we are getting married.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Valeen! You get the leave-Michelle-with-her-mouth-hanging-open-gasping-then-laughing prize today. What a good story. Like a romance. The bitter-sweet heartache followed by the dreamy capitulation and HEA...but what do the bridesmaids dresses look like, hmmm?

Lucky you for escaping "heartache free," Michele,but excellent choice not to go with the "tie one on" advice. I like your girlfriend's advice. Sounds like a fun girl.

Stace, we don't like Jason very much. Again, this is the only situation is which I encourage negagtivity. Bellas know that if some guy is dumb enough not to dig on one of us, his perception is clearly skewed.

It took me years to get over my first love. sigh.But this thing with my husband worked out pretty ok.

Anonymous said...

I can't recall the worst advice I ever got, but the worst advice I ever gave...shudder... was to one of my best friends. She had been friends with a guy in high school, and then in college, they slowly got together. I never knew what she saw in him, but it was clear she was just head over heels, and I tried to be happy for her.

Then, he dumped her.

My first instinct was "good riddance!" but she was so brokenhearted, and I felt so bad for her, what I actually said was.. (can't believe I did this)... "He's gonna realize what a mistake he made and come crawling back." Which was so WRONG; I knew he was a world-class pig, she was better off without him, and he had gone and done the dirty work by dumping her. I don't know if what i said made the difference, but she held out for him to come back for a looooong time. Ugh. And did I mention he was a JERK??? And he's still a jerk, all these years later.

Girlfriends, if a man is dumb enough to dump you, wave good-bye and go shopping with your friends. He is not worth your anguish!

Julie in Ohio said...

Who was my first crush? Oh that's easy; Chad Brown. He had brown hair, brown eyes and the perfect little kissable mouth. I never got to kiss it, mind you, but boy would I have liked to. We were in the same classes at school for 3 years but then his Dad got transferred and off he went. I don't know what ever happened to him but he took a part of heart with him when he left.
I'm practicing my dramatics. How am I doing?

Worst advice given? It's the same as the best advice.


I call it the worst because gosh darn it, HOW LONG?
It's the best because it is true.

Monica Burns said...

My first love, I met in Germany while in the service. I moved to St.Paul to live with him (in open sin! *gasp*). Broke every rule in my parent's book, and I think I came close to breaking my Dad's heart. I was so crazy about the guy. He was so brilliant. Had a genius IQ, and what did he do with it? He spent his time doing drugs and drinking. We'd been engaged a year when an old girlfriend drove 24hrs straight through from the east coast to see him. I caught them on the couch together. I left two days later in 9degree weather. I was devastated. I'd broken every rule to be with this guy and his betrayal made it almost impossible to trust anyone. I still have major trust issues, and for five years I subconsciously managed to sabotage any relationship I got involved in. I was TOTALLY screwed up. Then I met my DH. I even tried to sabotage our relationship, but he refused to give up on me. I'm pretty lucky. After we were married, my Mom told me that my old fiancee had called a few days before the wedding wanting to talk to me. She told him that I was getting married on Sat and that I wouldn't want to talk to him. I confess, I would love to see him again just so he could see what he missed. But that's ALL I want from him. I even mentioned that too my husband a couple of years ago, and he emphatically said there wasn't a chance in hell that I was gonna do any such thing. But at least I was able to trust him enough to share that little secret. Took me 18 years to do that!

WOW! That was cleansing. *smile*


Vivi Anna said...

First love, biggest heartache...Nick Hann. Army man, tall blond and sexy as's been 15 years and I'm still not completely over him...

He treated me like crap, but I never got any closure...that's why I find it hard to move on.

Worse zen like advice...'this too shall pass' or 'whatever doens't kill you, makes you stronger'

Would be great advice if your heart didn't feel like it was bleeding all over your feet..

Advice I give my friends...'don't come to me for advice because I suck at relationships.'

amy kennedy said...

Well haven't I missed out on some good blogs...

He wasn't my first love but he was the first I thought I would end up marrying--Michael, high school, college, off AND on. And not a clear cut ending--just me moving away.

When I was in tears in my basement bedroom, weeping over a different boy--my Mom came downstairs and said, "Put on these sunglasses and clean out your drawers--you can still cry, but make room for the next good thing in your life."

I know it sounds stupid, but I cleaned out all the stupid reminders of the boy who hurt me--with those sunglasses on. And it helped. Like some kind of ritual cleansing.

amy kennedy said...

Oh, and this ones for Stacy from the Michelle's last blog--my sixth grade class was lousy with skanks--many of us even held them in respect and awe. And this was in the late 60s. Oh, maybe that explains it!

Julie in Ohio said...

Wow, Monica. I can see now why you wax poetic over your DH. He must be quite a guy to not give up easily. Congratulations.

On a side note, ex-girlfriends suck.
But that's a topic for a different blog. *grin*

Vivi, I get the needing closure. It is difficult to move on without it.

Valeen said...

Monica - Wow. What a story. That's exactly what I would have wanted to do - show him what he'd missed. Jackass.

I think my mother always used to say 'oh, you'll get over it' -- she wasn't very sympathetic. LOL

Angelina said...

My first "lust" was Ian McCullough, a year older than me in high school. He was green-eyed, the devil, brilliant, from an emotionally-and-physically abusive family. He could tempt a woman -- girls, really -- to do anything he wanted. Ignore them one moment and then thrill them to the marrow the next. He was a push-you-up-against-the-wall-with-your-parents-around-the-corner kind of guy. He broke up with me to be with another girl. I didn't see him for two months and when I did, in the hall on the first day of school, he said nothing, just wrapped his arms around him and held me against his chest while the other kids swarmed around us. It still amazes me that he did that. I know few full-grown men who are that eloquent.

I saw him two years ago. He was older, wiser and painfully beautiful. My husband loved him. Ian apologized for the way he treated me. He said, at the time, he thought only crazy women were interesting. He said I could have made him happy.

I feel blessed by my life. I wouldn't change a thing. But closure -- like that -- is MARVELOUS!!!

Julie in Ohio said...

Michelle, you minx. You put THE interview up a day early! Were you just testing us?

Julie in Ohio said...

And can I just add, WOW.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

See? Doesn't it feel good to let it all out? (assuming this hasn't thrown anyone into a bout of nightmarish depression. There's a reason why my title, "Romance Columnist" doen't include my giving lovelorn advice.)

Anyway, I'm seeing a pattern here: we look back, get over it, pretty much, when we meet the guy we end up marrying or commiting to. Happened that way for me. I was like, Chuck who?

And I had the whole trust issue thing too, Mon. I wonder if a better blog question wouldn't have been:

"How long did you punish your husband for stuff 'the one who got away' did years before?" Yeah. that's a good one.

I love the fact that some of you had moms who gave advice. I had one of those families where you really didn't want to lay yourself bare. Three older bros could be pretty annoying about relationship issues. Either they were warning away any guys who got near, or they were teasing mercilessly about the one's I liked best. Actually, they all came to me when they met Dave to tell me how much they liked him.

Vivi, how is it that when you tell a story, you make even a creep sound sexy? I dig the alph who'd kinda a jerk, but not in real life, and not for you Bellas.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Holy cow, Angelina! I'm aroused just by your description of Ian. Sheesh. Are you a romance writer? If you're new, mention anything UATW (up against the wall), and you're our friend for life.

I didn't do it on purpose, JuliO. They kindly posted it to make sure it was up for tomorrow. So, you see how sweet he is? Wait til next week...

Manda Collins said...

Man, I miss all the fun stuff!

Mine was Chris. Freshman year of college. He was psycho but beautiful. There was no big break up. He left our small college to go to a big state school and when he was gone I realized I was happier without him. When he finally called a couple of months after no contact to see why I wasn't still worshipping, I told him so. But I still have trouble trusting guys because of him. Jerk.

Michelle, I'm with you. The guys who don't have the sense to like us back are TSTL.

Valeen and Monica, those stories are worthy of being written down. (Though I guess that's what you just did;)

Here's to all of us, for enduring the good the bad and the ugy, but surviving! Girl Power!

Off to read TSO's interview...
*rubs hands together with glee*

Vivi Anna said...

Great interview Michelle.

And now I know why I'm not married any more...guys want to read about the sultry vixen...not marry her!


Hope Tarr said...

I figured I'd better post again before Angelina here steals my job with her prose to die for. Geez, Angelina, give us struggling romance writers a break, why don't ya? ;-)

As to the topic du jour, the first one who breaks your heart (and hopefully there's just one) sticks in your heart like a splinter for a very long time if not precisely forever.

Worst (and best) advice I ever got post breakup: "I predict you'll live."

Yeah, well, brilliant prediction and yes, we'll likely all live to be even wiser in most cases, and definitely older, but oh, the rocky road on that journey...


PS That Nathan K interview part II -- I'm counting on you to deliver, Michelle.

Stacy~ said...

Hey Michelle, the interview is up! Now I'm gonna go read it....

Rach said...

I just want you to know I'm exercising extreme self-control by posting here instead of checking out TSO's interview first!!!

What a day I have missed! I'm so sorry so many of you got majorly screwed over! My first crush was the guy who at me when I fell down a bunch of bleachers (previous post). But, that wasn't love and I knew it wasn't love. Just a crush.

My hubby was my first love. My mom, god love 'er has been married three times, so she flat out refuses to give adivce. Anyway, hubby number three was a real piece of work, emotionally and verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to my mom and sister. (sorry for the TMI, I'm laying some ground work here).

Anyway, I met my wonderful man my sophomore year of high school, the same year my mom got us the heck out of Dodge and left my stepdad. DH was my sounding board, I let it all hang out, told him all the gorey details, and he was such a wonderful listener (didn't try to "fix" it like some guys do), and he was so cute in his own nerdy way, I fell for him like a ton of bricks. Of course, being the oblivious nerd he is, he completely missed *all* my cues and I had to knock him over the head the following year to get him to ask me out.

We had to weather the storm of my trust issues (gee, wonder why??) and the fact that I filtered all his actions through what I knew of my stepdad's behavior. But, he stuck with me and here we are 14 years later. Pretty amazing guy. =)

As for advice, well, I try to listen and commiserate and buy the margaritas and keep my mouth shut! =)

Rach said...

Okay, back from TSO's interview. Good grief, I'm in luuuuvvvvvv. *swoon* What a man! His story of knowing his wife forever and falling in love with her...OMG, be still my beating heart!!

Well done, Michelle!! =)

Stacy~ said...

I have to agree with Rach here. I was a little bit concerned, thinking that maybe NK would be a jerk, or really superficial, or only in it for the money. But it was a lovely article and I found him rather...endearing. I now know understand what you mean, Michelle, about not being able to think of him "that way". But I still do - LOL.

Monica, what a story! Like you, I'd so want the revenge. The jerk deserved it.

Angelina, where is Ian now? Just curious....

Vivi, I have to admit that I have a bit of a wish to be like you...I don't think those guys can handle such a sultry tempress...

Yeah, we've all loved and lost, but none of y'all sound pathetic or self-pitying: go, girl-power! Okay, I'm a grown-up now: go woman-power! Here us roar...make us purr...

Monica Burns said...

Nice interview with NK Michelle. I sensed he was just a wee bit uncomfortable being interviewed, not because he didn't like you, but that it might be difficult for him to open up and that he's trying to understand why so many women drool over his covers. *grin*

Trust would be a definitely COOL topic in the future! Something like what romance books have trust as issues between H/H and which ones DON'T *smile*

Manda - I actually use a lot of those same emotions when I write my stories. Gives them heart I think, or at least that's what Deidre says. *smile*

Stace, you know I do struggle with that desire for revenge even though I know it's not in my best interest. Of course, being Italian and loving my vendettas probably is part of it! ROTFL

Rach, LOVE your story, sounds like your DH is one hellava guy

Monica <--off to watch her one of two TV indulgences MEDIUM!!!

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Just so, Mon. I gotta give him props just for talking to me. Imagine, he's like, the anti-Fabio. Could not care less about being a cover model star. I think that's what's so cool about the fact he talked to us, especially when he wasn't all that hepped on the idea initially.

Trust. Interesting concept, Mon, especially in light of what I just wrote... we'll definitely do a blog.

Grazie e buona sera, Bellas!