Thursday, March 16, 2006

Blogged and Confused

The first time I posted on Squawk Radio, I had agita for about an hour afterward. Who'm I kidding? More like a day. I thought I'd written the dumbest, most illiterate comment in the history of

Do you ever feel silly or embarrassed after you post on someone's blog?

Do you feel especially silly if it's "live" and nobody responds to your post?

Encore! I couldn't resist and, heck, I'm still under-the-weather. And, I'm bumming cause I haven't hooked up on the interview thing, yet. And...well, it's just nice to look at Nathan Kamp all scruffy and outdoorsy-like.


Stacy~ said...

Um, yeah, I definitely do. Sometimes I feel like the one who showed up late to the party with all the cool kids and I'm way behind on the inside joke, you know? But I still show up and hope someone will talk to me LOL.

Okay, it's not that bad - there are several blogs and groups that are extremely friendly. But sometimes it can be a little intimidating. I usually just close my eyes and hit the "submit" button and let it go. What else can you do?

Feel better soon. Just keep looking @ N.K. pix - it works for me :)

Now off to work, where I can't blog - major censorship.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

I know what you mean,Stacy. Very well said. I get really intimidated, too. Especially depending on who's blogging or who owns the blog. But I'm getting better at doing like you, swallowing hard and hitting send.

Thanks for your well wishes! NK definitely helps. Have a good day even though those people you work for insist on making you do your job. :)

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

And, Stacy: you need to email me at

Stacy~ said...

'k....I'll send it right you can see I'm in no rush to get to work. LOL.

amy kennedy said...

I just started this whole blogging thing--reading them commenting on them, and I know I should think before I write but sometimes I just have to say something.

Then I look at the next few blogs and groan...why didn't I wait to write, why is everyone smarter and or funnier than I am.

But then I do the exact same thing ten minutes or two days later.

Of course I feel safe on this blog. And I go on squawk and comment, but others I just read. I know the more I do it-the easier it is. Isn't that true of so many things our mother's warned us about.

Oh and TMS--how apropos.

Monica Burns said...

Well, here's my problem. I NEVER know when to shut up!

Shoot I feel bad and angst over it for days when I say something I wish I'd never said.

Example, remember recently Michelle when I posted about the differences between erotic romance and erotica and I used the word journalism or media in the post. That was late in the evening, and after I was in bed I realized I might have really sounded like I was insult you (not my intent). I agnst about that until I was able to get to the computer to resolve that statement. In other words, I didn't sleep well! LOL Not your fault of course, but boy do I put guilt on myself big time. But I know you understand that. My mother was Catholic and excelled at the guilt thing when I was growing up. She mellowed later in life. LOL

See, I'm angsting now because this is a long post! Oi!


Lucy Monroe said...

I angst over everything I send out on the net...emails, blog posts, everything...I'm one of those people that always has this nagging fear I've offended somebody, even when I haven't said anything even remotely offensive. LOL

Amanda said...

I ALWAYS feel silly when I post. It's just the nature of the beast I think. I'll wonder, was that post too long? Did I insult that author? Did I reveal TMI? Did that post seem needy? Am I that kid in Philosphy class that everyone wishes would shut up? Are those crickets? But for whatever reason, I press on...

Sorry you are still not feeling well, Michelle! Sending well-making vibes your way...

Teresa Bodwell said...

It's the speed of light. Think about it. No one thinks at the speed of light--but that is the speed at which our thoughts travel on the internet. Maybe not so bad if you're doing a live chat, or IM, but when you send those thoughts flying out and they stick in one place like a blog. Could be a nightmare.

Hope you feel better soon, Michelle.

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Monica: That is exactly what I'm talking about! I never thought twice about what you said, only considered it as you meant it. I forget sometimes that I'm the "media," too.

Actually, I consider myself the "bastard stepchild," as it were. I'm a columnist, so I'm not exactly a hard jounalist, right?; I don't publish novels, but am published weekly, but some folks don't consider that really writing; I support writers, but because I "review," some writers fear me because they think I'll tear them apart in print (they haven't learned I'm the Pollyanna reviewer yet and don't say nothin if I can't say nothin nice. I simply don't have to. heeheehee).

So you see my dilemma?

That was a big non sequitor, wasn't it.

When I lose sleep over something I've written in a blog, or just after I sent in a final draft, I often think: but it's only a column, what if I were tossing a book into the mouths of the wolves? (the old opera saying is that, rather than break a leg. I can't remember the Italian for the phrase. something about boca and lupo?)

Yes, Teresa. Cyberspace is stunning, ain't it? And as you know it's pretty dern important to romance.

Everybody: This is what I hear from emails from folks who've stopped by this blog and not blogged: The people writing are so smart and say such intelligent things. I don't see that everywhere. I can't think of anything as smart or funny as what they're saying, so I don't post.


FTS: Forgive the Saga

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Lucy: I angst over the things that come out of my mouth and worry for days after.

Ames:I'm new to blogging and once tried to do a bona fide live blogchat and I think i did it in a way equivalent to rude interruption. I felt humiliated and so not savvy.

Lucy Monroe said...

Michelle...first, anyone who doesn't see you as a "real" writer needs to be beaten. You think I'm kidding? For once, I'm not. My former CP and very good friend is published in romance, short essay (Chicken Soup for the... variety), short story for Sci Fi and lots of editorials. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I said to her, " get more editorials and essays published than anyone I know. You need that outlet in your creative life, have you considered doing a column?" She turned to me and said, "Funny you should say that...but I just got offered a parenting column in my local paper." Now, the thing is...she needs both outlets...books and essay type writing. But the truth is that if she wrote columns exclusively, I'd still think she was one of the worlds best writers. She just is.

When we write, we are writers. When we publish what we write, we are career writers. :) You are not only everything that is real in our industry (the written word), but you are amazing at. Full stop. Period. Okay...enough of that rant.

Now...about the posters who don't post. I really wish they would and I hope they are reading this right now and realizing that it only *sounds* better when someone else writes it, but in truth...all dialogue is fun and beneficial. So, um... please join in! I feel that way about my blog too. I really love hearing from *everyone* on the topic du jour. makes *me* feel validated in posting the darn idea to begin with. LOL

Now, I must go write on my book before I use up all my words. LOL


amy kennedy said...

Okay, seriously--I love this blog.
I get to spout off on any subject Michelle comes-up with.

It is silent intelligent conversation with women who I would love to have lunch with.

I know I'm ending all these sentences with prepositions--and I know you won't care. Right?

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Ames: A preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with. But if you can put up with my miserable spelling...

OMG: How much did I obsess about those two, count em, two sagas I posted today? I even worry about the posts I post on my own blog. Just pathetic.

Thanks for the nice words, Luce. I get tired of novelists asking me, "but what are you really writing?" And Pollyanna here wants to jump all snarky on em, like, "I'm writing so more people buy your book and wanna get to know you. Really."

But I'd feel too guilty, and I don't go to confession any more.

Wow. I feel good now.

Anonymous said...

I think there can be no worse punishment for a writer than to get no response to her writing. Even if the response in not positive, at least it's feedback. So yes, posting on a blog is a little unnerving, because you know people are reading it, and once you post it you can't go back and edit it and make it funnier, more thoughtful, more interesting, etc. If you get no response, it seems pretty cler your post was neither funny, nor thoughtful, nor interesting. And you want to crawl under the bed and hide at your stupidity in posting this fact on the web.

Hope you're feeling better, Michelle (the suggestion of treating your symptoms by staring hard at Nathan was pretty good).

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

Thanks for the get well wishes, Caroline. Am I a total whiner, or what?

What you said about the lack of response is interesting. I think it's scary to just put stuff out there at the mercy of strangers.

And what you said about editing, etc. reminds me of something this writing teacher said about why we avoid writing. She said creating art is about destroying something. Painting destroys canvas. Music destroys the air around it when the sound waves are moved. Sculptors destroy the marble, etc.

Writers? We destroy possibilities. We choose a line and once we write it, we've ruled out every other sentence structure we could have come up with, every meaning, nuance, etc. And we're always afraid there was a better possibility out there that would have been perfect .

Anyway, that's what you reminded me of.

Now, as for treating symptoms with Nathan...I'm not a doctor, but I think he's actually played one on TV. Well, he's at least guested on some soaps.

Rach said...

Still late to the party here! At work until 7 this evening for night conferences. No face time with either kid for the most part this eveing. (Ah, was that TMI I wonder to myself? You never know with these things...) I've gotta say that I'm always a little insecure over what I post, go back and read it three times, hit submit, read it again and cringe! It's so much harder to type what you mean than just say it face-to-face. Know what I mean? And, of course, there's this whole other lexicon out there with acronyms for everything. My husband was in the military, and sometimes I feel like I'm back in the days of trying to figure out what he was talking about when I try to figure out some of the posts. Did that make sense?

Feel better, Michelle! =)

Lucy Monroe said...

Here's the thing about getting responded to...I read all the posts on all the blogs and boards I visit, but I only respond to the ones that I feel like I can add something to. So, in effect my lack of response is saying, "You said it perfectly." LOL

But I feel that way...thinking I said it all wrong when no one responds. And what about the times you actually address your comment to someone and they don't come back with anything...just like any other kind of writing, I guess we have to learn to be okay with not getting a response.

Anyone got any suggestions on how to do that? :)


P.S. Michelle...I get the question, "So, when are you going to write a *real* book?" I respond with, "I already have," and a very tight smile. Sigh...

Anonymous said...

And here I always thought writers destroyed trees! Anyone who's ever printed out a manuscript multiple times to submit to agents and editors... A forest gave its life for those manuscripts.

I don't feel like I destroy possibilities; I feel like I create them (or possibly, mangle them, depending on your point of view). There was nothing there before. There was no other possiblity for those characters because THEY were nothing before a writer thought them up. And once the book ends, the reader's imagination is free to carry those characters on any sort of adventure she chooses for them. Those possibilities never existed before, either.

And if you can't whine about being sick on your own blog, where can you? ;-)

Monica Burns said...

I get tired of novelists asking me, "but what are you really writing?" And Pollyanna here wants to jump all snarky on em, like, "I'm writing so more people buy your book and wanna get to know you. Really."

Ok, I'm now wanting to revert to my roots and and make these people an offer they can't refuse! I write in my day job. PR writing. It's just as tough, maybe tougher than novel writing. There are only so many ways you can explain what a defibrilator is or what a Malware is. I'm proud of what I write, even if it's just a letter.

Your columns are extremely well-written Michelle. I'm like you, if I can't say nothing nice, I don't. So I wouldn't compliment you if I didn't mean it. Not even for a million dollars, although I'm sure I'd be mighty tempted. *grin*

I like that you bring in comparisons to opera or Kenneth Branagh or other things to show a juxtaposition to the work you're reviewing. That's something not many columnists or journalists can do, and do it with flair so that it makes for fun reading. I read your column not just for the review, but for the analogies and other references you add in. That makes for fun reading. So turn the tables on them. Ask them when they're gonna write a real book. Then see Lucy's reaction above. ROFL I'm betting they won't you ask that question again.

As for when I get comments like, Oh I don't read those smutty romance books." I bite my tongue. If I didn't, I'd come back with something like....

"Well my husband brags about his wife being an erotic romance writer. He's happy, what about your spouse?" or

"Have you picked up a romance book lately? For that matter, any book?"

"You know, I really despise the word smut. It's shows such a limited knowledge of the English language. I prefer using words that tease one's mind. It's much more stimulating. Sort of like sex."


"You know, I've been considering writing the Great American Novel, but unfortunately, people like you wouldn't read that book either."

Now note!!! I would never say any of those quotes above for several reasons. One, my Mom and Dad would roll over in their grave if I was that rude to someone. Two, my beloved Grandmother once told me that if you're gonna insult someone, do it in a way that they don't know they've been insulted. She had a genius IQ...I don't...I can only write the insults, I can never remember them! ROFL

And Lucy as for learning how to be okay without responses. I don't know that there is a way. We're all human, so there's always gonna be that bit of angst in all of us. What people always forget is that everyone else is just as insecure as we are in the same or different ways. BUT remembering that fact and accepting that fact are two different animals. Whichever one of us figures it out first has to report back here! *grin*

Michelle, I hope you feel better soon. The DH has been out of work all week with this nasty bug and he was going to go back to work tomorrow until I yelled at him to go back to the doc today. I told him I couldn't afford for him to go into the hospital for a luxury stay. Eat chicken noodle soup, or tomato soup, or drink lots of Welch's dark red grape juice. I have two ounces of that every day. Helps build the immune system. Feel better real soon.

Hugs, Monica

Lucy Monroe said...

Yikes...every post I meant to say I was hoping you felt way better like now, Michelle. But I keep getting sidetracked. LOL

Caroline...I am so with you. I don't see art as destructive. Not any of it, though the concept Michelle's former teacher (was it?) proposed is intriguing. I see a blank canvas *enhanced* by paint, air *filled* with music and writing fiction the *creation* of worlds that would not otherwise exist. But man, what a brain to have thought of the concept. It's almost like negative energy. Which only some obscure physisist in Mexico really gets. Well maybe dh too, but not me. I'll stick to creating worlds with words. ;), darlin', are priceless! I hate the word smut applied to romance, erotic romance, romantica, etc. It really annoys me. I don't write trash, I write stories with sex and sex is a good thing, not something dirty we have to hide or make fun of in order to be comfortable with. Or it shouldn't be.

I'm supposed to be in bed, but we're having an adolescent moment with my son and dh is talking it out with him. So, I'm online. It keeps me from wanting to butt in and really, right now it needs to be a father-son moment. Dad stays more rational. Especially late at night. LOL

Oy...but I'm tired.

Hugs to all,

Lori Foster said...

"You know, I've been considering writing the Great American Novel, but unfortunately, people like you wouldn't read that book either."

ROTFLMAO!!! I will SO use this! Excellent reply.

Michelle, I hope you feel 100% again very soon. It sucks to be sick.

I guess I'm just really old or something, because I don't worry about the same things anymore. Or at least, not much. Most of you talk over my head. I'm okay with that. ;-)
When editors/publishers take me to restaurants, I either can't read the menu, or I don't know which fork to use. So I ask. No biggie.
I routinely have to look up words that ALL of you use - but I don't mind admitting it.
I'm a downhome hick with a HS education and very, very basic needs. But I'm A-ok with that. LOL. I'm happy. For the most part, life is very good. My lacks just don't bother me that much anymore.

I think it's because it fascinates me how cool everyone is, how different, and how fun! If you don't reply to my post, I'll just bug ya until ya do. ;-)

Oh, and Michelle, you totally rock. You're the shiznit. All that and a bag of chips. (What else do kids say these days?) LOL
Truly, you're one of a kind, and like Lucy, I see you as a top notch writer.

Lucy, I'm sorry you're having a son-moment. I hope it got resolved peaceably.

Hope y'all have an stupendous weekend! HUGS!

Stacy~ said...

I'm gonna throw in my $0.02 and say that in the time I've been here, everyone here has been very articulate and interesting and nice. Michelle, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this blog because it's so positive and supportive and non-judgmental. Your writing career, which supports the work of many wonderful writers, is extremely important and anyone who thinks it isn't hasn't a clue. You are in a powerful medium and I come back again and again because of how fun your writing is, the topics you discuss, and the participation involved. And I don't live in fear when I hit the "send" button LOL.

Feel better Michelle, and I don't think you're whining at all. You manage to be positive and upbeat despite not feeling well.

Lucy, hopefully dh took care of your son and your world was right again. Hugs to ya.

Lori, you might not have a college degree but you have a heart of gold and the fierce, protective streak of a tiger when it comes to your family, and you're are straight-up honest, and in my book that makes you a class act.

I don't like the word "smut" either. Romance novels are so much more than people give them credit for being. They can be escapism, set in the ballrooms of London or the top of the Empire State building or in a small southern town (places I've never been). They are positive examples of how a relationship between two adults should be, with a healthy outlook on sexuality, being faithful and committed to the other person and respecting their likes and differences as well as their dreams. They can be funny, sad, adventurous, suspenseful, passionate, educational, sweet, fascinating, and/or erotic. And they get people reading, and that's always a good thing.

Thanx for keeping up the good fight ladies. I'm behind you 100%.

Marcella Chester said...

I'm definitely cautious about the blogging thing. I just created my own blog today even though it terrifies me to put my thoughts out there.

I wouldn't comment here except I know Michelle, which makes it feel a little safer.


Lucy Monroe said... just plain old rock! :) Yep...dh knew just what had to be said and worked through with son last night. It was all good when we finally got to bed and that's what matters. Sometimes I'm the rational one, but not late at night...then I border on cranky. LOL Parenting is so not for sissies!


Marcella...I just visited your blog and posted a comment. We share a heart and desire to help others move beyond their pain by exposing our own. My books aren't autobiographical, but they are filled with the issues I've had first hand experience with or seen first hand and I think that gives them power. Being honest and true not only gives us power, but the ability to heal and help others do so too.

Hugs to all,

Michelle Buonfiglio said...

OK,Bellas?! I'm so mortified cause I think I must have sounded like I was fishing for compliments. Not that I don't like hearing the wonderful things you guys were saying. I mean, it's very cool when somebody understands what you're after in your work, right? But you don't have to be so nice to me just cause I'm sick.

Somebody told me their friend was doing a signing, I can't remember whom, but a biggie. Somebody came up to the writer and said, "Romance? I don't read that trash." And the writer said, "Well, then, what kind of trash do you read?"

I like the fact that we understand how some folks see what we do, and we can joke about it (a little). Makes me crazy, though, that within this genre that gets so much crap from the "outside," some of us are willing to marginalize others on the inside. Human nature I guess.

Hey, Marcella! Let us know where your blog is so we can visit. Congrats. How's the re-write coming?

Marcella Chester said...

Lucy ... It's so good to find others who relate to our approach to writing. My first 2 mss are the only ones that are what might be considered autobiographical or faction, the rest have bits and pieces of my experiences and outlook on life.

Michelle ... It looks like you found my blog (abyss2hope). I'm glad to say that the rewrites of HOME FREE are done.

Vivi Anna said...

Michelle, I swear everything I want to say on my blog, or on another's blog never comes out right....LOL There's what I want to say, and what I end up typing....sometimes two completely different things. Things always sound better in my head!!