Kathleen Eagle GuestBlogs tomorrow, Wed, Jan 10!
***I'm writing this Top Ten Most Romantic Book Gifts for Valentine's Day feature for Internet Broadcasting and Romance: B(u)y the Book. It's gonna be linked to a great contest, which I'll tell you about soon. Anyway, this nice guy from Penguin sends me this book he thinks might be good for the list called, "She's the One," by Gregory Gilderman, a guy who writes about guys -- the 'generic guy' as he calls them -- for women's mags.
So Gary says, forget what you read in Cosmo and Marie Claire, etc. Those tips will in no way tell you what guys really want.
"The idea pervades just about every self-help or pop-advice piece ever written: men are visual; men are from Mars; men only think of pizza, football, getting laid, or some way to enjoy all three at once."
Yet, Gilderman says more guys than ever are hooking up for life. Why? "...because we want to," he says. "Every guy is looking for the One. And what men want from her is the obvious stuff -- love, honesty, friendship, fidelity -- as long as she meets some distinctly male needs."
Gilderman then goes on to describe in funny, self-deprecating, sometimes shockingly simple ways just what makes guys tick (we already knew), and what they really want in bed (we just thought we knew). Pages 127-53 alone are worth the price of admission, girlfriends. And you'll love his take on feminism; it ain't all that different from how we discuss it right heah.
So back to Pages 127-53: Gilderman cites a study done by Harvard prof Stephen Pinker in which good-looking men and women were hired to approach members of the opposite sex on a college campus asking whether they'd like to a) go out on a date that night, b) come over to their apartment that night, or c) go to bed with them that night. Here's how the numbers churned:
Yes to date W - 50% M - 50%
Yes to going to apt W - 6% M - 69%
Yes to having sex that night W - 0% M - 75%
So this study reminded me of one I ran across recently at Yahoo! UK: Yahoo! UK's The Great British Sex Survey. And the psychologist writing the piece talks about this phenomenon that pretty much opposes Pinker's findings, called
The LiberTinas , a group of young women who are embracing, taking control of their sexualities in ways women before haven't reported. Brava! Yet, this also was a finding:
"The most striking aspect of this finding however the fact that 57% of the LiberTina’s think it’s alright to have impersonal sex, as compared to of 46% of men in the same age group. This truly underlines how far the LiberTina’s have come in expressing their sexual freedom."
The more life I live, the more it becomes clear to me that women simply aren't men. What I mean is, women have entirely different investments when they choose to have sex, and I wonder how women compartmentalize emotional needs, reproductive considerations that affect life choices, etc., when they choose no-strings casual.
No strings, kick-ass casual is hip in romance, and Vivi Anna's "Hell Kat" is a great heroine to admire for getting what she wants by whatever means she deems necessary. It's a great fantasy for lots of romance readers.
What's the no-strings, kick-ass romance heroine fantasy mean to you? And, in real life, what makes women able to choose hungry-man sized portions of sexuality w/out those messy emotional strings attached?
Encore! Grazie, Eve Ortega, for chatting with us about FanLit and Wicked Games. Please, please let us know when you've got more news about "Goddess of the Hunt."
Encore due! FanLit Grand Prize winner Sara Dennis Guestblogs Fri, Jan 12 w/ 2 great contests!
Encore tre! beverly, alas, no Colin to accompany it, but you've won a basket of Fair Trade chocolate from Eve! Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your snail mail. And, maureen & alyssa, you've won downloads of "These Wicked Games!" Please email me.